No Sex with Animals in Florida—Anymore

No Sex with Animals in Florida—Anymore

A new law went into effect in Florida on Saturday that’s going to make literal animal lovers sad pandas. Having sex with animals is now against the law in Florida, a state that that had written off creating such a law several times not because they condone it—there are Miami animal cops, after all—but because they really thought it was something that didn’t happen, and therefore unworthy of legislation prohibiting it.

My first reaction to this was one of dark irony—we used to have laws in the country that legally forbade gay sex, which was an outrage, but Florida is only just now instituting a law to protect animals from sexual assault by humans. Oh, the cleverness of us!

I have a hard time believing that these legislators didn’t think there was a problem with people assaulting animals sexually. Growing up, I knew of several people who did such things and bragged about it—I am from the Midwest, but I doubt it’s unique to my region—and I witnessed a couple of instances of it myself, believe it or not. If people are going to commit acts of cruelty against other people—especially children, the elderly, and the mentally handicapped, who are all such easy targets—do you really think they’re going to leave pets, an even easier target without a voice, alone?  Hell, Louis CK even copped to it on a live video recording. Don’t you think that any legislation that essentially protects beings from being harmed by others is good to implement?

Frankly, I’m shocked that all states don’t have laws against sex with animals. Bestiality and crush videos and whatever else you want to call them are not erotic art or fetishes I can accept—they are acts of cruelty against animals and should not be taken lightly. People like to joke about it, and I’ve even heard of people marrying their pets, but it is neither funny nor worthy of marital status. (Though if a person marries his or her pet and doesn’t become sexually involved, who am I to say he or she can’t do that?)

Of course, just because we can’t speak the same language doesn’t mean that animals are beneath us or witless; dolphins, after all, may be given non-human person status someday due to their complex level of intelligence. But until an animal can provide his or her complete consent in a language we can all understand—and I know how silly that sounds, but that’s the way it’s going to have to be!—sexual activities with them should be outlawed, period.